Lost, But Now I'm Found
by Wholockian57
Summary: After encountering the parasite, the Doctor is more sorrowful than he has been in a long time. Clara is the only one who can put him at ease. Post-Rings of Akhaten. Some Clara/Doctor romance towards the end. This is my first Who fic, so reviews are greatly appreciated!


"Thank you for saving us," said Merry Gallel as she walked back to the TARDIS with Clara and the Doctor. When they reached the big blue box, Clara knelt down and put her hands on Merry's shoulders.

"It was our pleasure," Clara replied with her warm smile. "You were very brave. I've never met any other Queens of Years, but you're the best in my book." Merry giggled and locked Clara in a warm embrace. The Doctor, his face expressionless, turned away and pretended to fiddle in his pockets for the key.

_She was born for this, _he thought. _She's so kind and gentle. And I'm going to ruin her, just like I did with the others._

"I'll never forget you," Merry said quietly as she pulled away. A single tear ran down her cheek.

"Neither will I," replied Clara with a wink. She noticed that the Doctor had already entered the TARDIS. She turned on her heel, swung the door open, and turned to face Merry one last time. "Kid, we've got one more treat for ya." Clara closed the door, and the TARDIS drifted in and out of sight, emitting its familiar whirring sound, until it vanished altogether.

"So what do you do with it at night?" Clara inquired as she turned around to face the control console. The Doctor was bent over the console, his face full of sorrow, and she instantly felt bad for bothering him. After putting down her bag, she crossed slowly over to him and hesitantly reached for his left shoulder. "Doctor?"

He snapped up as if aroused from deep thought. "What? Oh, I usually hover on the secluded outskirts of a galaxy. Nice and peaceful. No interruptions." He hurried over to lean on the opposite side of the console so he was hidden from Clara's view, but she followed.

_He's hurting,_ she thought. _But if I'm going to travel with him, I should at least know what's going on. He trusts me, right?_

After a few seconds of silence, Clara took a deep breath. "Doctor, all those things you were saying when you were confronting the…whatever it was…what did you mean? All the things you've seen, all that you know…I just don't quite understand all of it."

She heard him give a weak chuckle. "You heard all that, did you?"

"Well, you were just a bit loud," she replied nervously, not knowing how he would react.

He stood upright and turned around to face her. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead just gave a sad smile. After mustering up some courage, Clara looked into the Doctor's weary eyes, and she kept her gaze locked on his. "Look, I know how it feels, sort of. I've lost people, and I won't even try to pretend I've suffered an ounce as much as you have, but I've suffered enough to know that you hold agonizing pain in your eyes. No matter how hard you try, you can't hide it. Not from me. You know so much about my life, and I know less about you than I deserve. You don't have to hide in order to protect me. I just want…I want to help you," she finished, tears welling up in her eyes.

As the Doctor looked upon the kind human before him, he found that he couldn't completely control his emotions any longer. He let silent tears stream from his eyes. "Clara Oswald, you wonderful girl. You impossible, wonderful girl," he said, softly taking her face in his right hand and stroking her left cheek with his thumb. "It would destroy you."

"Not as much as it's destroyed you. One man shouldn't have to hold that much sorrow on his own. I'm begging you, Doctor. Tell me."

He wrapped his arms around her and held her head to his chest has she began to sob. He swayed from side to side and began. "A long time ago, there was a war between the Time Lords and our…archenemies. My planet was destroyed. All the Time Lords were killed, except for me. I am the last of my kind, all alone in the universe. I have no one."

Clara had stopped crying. "You've got me," she mumbled weakly, her head still buried in his chest. The Doctor chuckled. He broke their embrace and led Clara away from the console.

"Do you see the writing up there?" he asked, pointing to the panels rotating around the top of the console. She nodded. "That's Gallifreyan, the language of my people. And each one of those is the name of someone who has traveled with me, just like you are. That one there is Martha, oh and Rose, and…Amelia…" As he trailed off, he began to sink slowly to his knees and bow his head. Clara dropped to the ground and placed her hand on his arm. He was trembling violently.

"Doctor, it's alright," Clara assured him, even though she knew it wasn't. It wasn't alright at all.

"They're…all…gone…" he muttered harshly. He lifted his head to look up, screaming at the ceiling. "They're lost, stuck, dead, because of me! The ones who are still living have to live with the painful memories, the tragedies I made them witness, the people they saw die. I made them make unfair choices. I made them sacrifice themselves! I took the kindest human souls on Earth and I ruined them! I made them suffer with me! I lured them into coming with me, all because I'm lonely and vain and so incredibly weak! And in return for their love, I ruined every single one of their lives! And somehow, the universe kept on turning like normal, even though my entire universe had collapsed. And my dear Clara…" He braced himself on her shoulder. "The same thing is going to happen to you," he barely forced out before he broke into hysterics.

He sobbed and sobbed loudly and violently, unleashing a thousand years of bottled up grief. Clara squeezed him tightly to her, pressing his forehead to her cheek.

"You're not selfish," she said sweetly as she let silver tears drop into his hair. "Nobody deserves to be alone. Especially not kind people like you. You're so incredibly kind that you care about everyone, and you try to save them. You are so so brave, and they all loved you. You showed them times and places they would have never experienced before. I don't think any of them would have traded it for the universe. You can't save everyone, and that isn't fair, but it also isn't fair for you to have to always save someone. It's time that someone saved you, Doctor."

She took his head into both of her hands and wiped the ever-flowing tears from his cheeks. She pressed her forehead to his and closed her eyes.

"I've got you," she whispered.

Clara leaned in and pressed her lips gently to the Doctor's. He could feel her tears on his cheeks, and he knew that she understood. He knew that Clara Oswald could help him.

The Doctor cupped Clara's face in one hand and her back with the other, pulling her closer. The kiss became more passionate and full of desire, yet there was still a sweet gentility to it. It seemed as if the burden of the universe was being lifted from his shoulders, if only for a little while. Eventually, they broke apart and Clara pulled the Doctor's head to her chest, his arm still wrapped around her. He let some more tears roll down his cheeks, but these were not tears of sorrow. These were tears for the joy of the days to come, for the comfort of having someone so close to him. His eyes began to close, and Clara rocked him until he fell asleep. She planted a soft kiss into his floppy brown hair.

"If you're ever lost, I will find you," she whispered. "I will always find you."


End file.
